Flower Girl dress, who decides?

[XOR]

Is it customary for the bride to decide what her flower girl wears or

can

the childs mother veto the dress decision?
My sister is my matron of honour and says she will absolutely not let

her

daughter wear the colors I've chosen for my wedding.
I think the bride should be the one to decide this.....
ARRRGH!

Typically it's the bride...but that's already been covered. I see
colour is the issue now. I agree that I dislike the FG in the same
colour as the bride - the mini-bride thing is just not appealing at
all. Is your sister unagreeable to *any* colour but the same as yours?
If not, maybe you can find a different, but coordinating colour for
her? If it's at all possible, I would just pick out a dress, buy it
yourself, and tell your sister this is what you want your niece to
wear. If she refuses, you have to decide how important it is to have
your niece in the wedding. I'd give in if it's what my niece wanted,
but not my sister (who would be doing it as a sort of passive
aggressive way to control my wedding). I guess at two it's hard for
her to make a stand though. Good luck!


My problem was that I told my sisters and SILs (whose daughters are BM
and FGs) to pick any dress suitable within a given colour range (jewel
tones). I gave them multiple suggestions on colours and styles in
assorted prices. The main idea was that everyone was happy with their
clothes, and I absolutely did not want matching dresses, and they
could pay whatever they wanted. HUGE mistake. I should have picked out
the dresses myself. One BM (12 yrs old) picked light blue - she did
ask me first, I gave in since she asked me, but if her mom had I would
have said no... The other BM (9yrs old) is letting us take her
shopping - yeah! The bigger problem came with another sister, the
mother of one of the two FGs (5yrs) who insisted they MUST match and
bought _lavendar_ dresses for both FGs. Lavendar is nowhere near jewel
tones, I hate the colour, and I absolutely positively do NOT want them
to match! The mother of the other FG is with me on this and we've
already told the other one to return the dress - she is refusing but
she can't force the other FG to wear it, but she's trying! I should
try to be laid back about it (afterall, that was the initial plan),
but it's clear there are much bigger control issues here than just the
colour of a dress. grrrr.

Anyway, thanks for letting me share in the vent :). All that's to say,
if it's possible to state it's a done deal "This is the dress", then
you may be better off. If it still seems open to suggestion, your
sister will think she has room to demand her own choices.

[l***@mayaninvaders.com]

Post by XOR
Is your sister unagreeable to *any* colour but the same as yours?

Actually, no

Post by XOR
If not, maybe you can find a different, but coordinating colour for
her? If it's at all possible, I would just pick out a dress, buy it
yourself, and tell your sister this is what you want your niece to
wear. If she refuses, you have to decide how important it is to have
your niece in the wedding. I'd give in if it's what my niece wanted,
but not my sister (who would be doing it as a sort of passive
aggressive way to control my wedding). I guess at two it's hard for
her to make a stand though. Good luck!

She's just a little one, but I want her there. I'm picking out a dress that
matches mine in colour, but I'm adding accents and that's just how it's
gonna be.

Post by XOR
mother of one of the two FGs (5yrs) who insisted they MUST match and
bought _lavendar_ dresses for both FGs. Lavendar is nowhere near jewel
tones, I hate the colour, and I absolutely positively do NOT want them
to match! The mother of the other FG is with me on this and we've
already told the other one to return the dress - she is refusing but
she can't force the other FG to wear it, but she's trying!

Unbelievable with sisters, you can love them to death but at the end of the
day with some of them - it always has to be about them.

Post by XOR
but it's clear there are much bigger control issues here than just the
colour of a dress. grrrr.

I'm so hearing you on that one. I'm just not getting excited about it. I
foresee much bigger energy sucking dramas to occur on the day that will have
nothing to do with me. SIGH.

Post by XOR
Anyway, thanks for letting me share in the vent :). All that's to say,
if it's possible to state it's a done deal "This is the dress", then
you may be better off. If it still seems open to suggestion, your
sister will think she has room to demand her own choices.

And that she will. Don't we all feel better now after ranting?
What's with all this bridezilla stuff I keep hearing about? Maybe it should
be "the Matron of Monster" or "Smother of the Bride".....

[XOR]

Post by l***@mayaninvaders.com
She's just a little one, but I want her there. I'm picking out a dress that
matches mine in colour, but I'm adding accents and that's just how it's
gonna be.

I think that sounds great!

Post by l***@mayaninvaders.com
Unbelievable with sisters, you can love them to death but at the end of the
day with some of them - it always has to be about them.

Exactly! I have 4 of them, and they all have their issues, but this
one is particularly trying... I was apparently too laid back (by her
terms - "totally disorganised") because I didn't demand matching
dresses. She's Miss Control Freak.

Post by l***@mayaninvaders.com

Post by XOR
but it's clear there are much bigger control issues here than just the
colour of a dress. grrrr.

I'm so hearing you on that one. I'm just not getting excited about it. I
foresee much bigger energy sucking dramas to occur on the day that will have
nothing to do with me. SIGH.

Good for you. I tried not to, and managed well for a long time, but I
think, as it gets closer, I am turning into the un-bride bridezilla by
declaring NO Matching. In my case, it IS a control issue and my
sister's need to dominate everything. This is one very small aspect of
many. My sister lives OOT and will only arrive the day before. I have
already asked my mom to keep her far away from me the entire weekend.
She is so negative and bitchy, I don't want her in my sight because I
know it'll get to me.

Post by l***@mayaninvaders.com

Post by XOR
Anyway, thanks for letting me share in the vent :). All that's to say,
if it's possible to state it's a done deal "This is the dress", then
you may be better off. If it still seems open to suggestion, your
sister will think she has room to demand her own choices.

And that she will. Don't we all feel better now after ranting?
What's with all this bridezilla stuff I keep hearing about? Maybe it should
be "the Matron of Monster" or "Smother of the Bride".....

lol! Yes, it's "sister-zilla" ;-)


Good luck! And thanks for letting me share in your vent :)

[susie]

Post by XOR

Post by l***@mayaninvaders.com
She's just a little one, but I want her there. I'm picking out a dress that
matches mine in colour, but I'm adding accents and that's just how it's
gonna be.

I think that sounds great!

Post by l***@mayaninvaders.com
Unbelievable with sisters, you can love them to death but at the end of the
day with some of them - it always has to be about them.

Exactly! I have 4 of them, and they all have their issues, but this
one is particularly trying... I was apparently too laid back (by her
terms - "totally disorganised") because I didn't demand matching
dresses. She's Miss Control Freak.

Post by l***@mayaninvaders.com

Post by XOR
but it's clear there are much bigger control issues here than just the
colour of a dress. grrrr.

I'm so hearing you on that one. I'm just not getting excited about it. I
foresee much bigger energy sucking dramas to occur on the day that will have
nothing to do with me. SIGH.

Good for you. I tried not to, and managed well for a long time, but I
think, as it gets closer, I am turning into the un-bride bridezilla by
declaring NO Matching. In my case, it IS a control issue and my
sister's need to dominate everything. This is one very small aspect of
many. My sister lives OOT and will only arrive the day before. I have
already asked my mom to keep her far away from me the entire weekend.
She is so negative and bitchy, I don't want her in my sight because I
know it'll get to me.

Post by l***@mayaninvaders.com

Post by XOR
Anyway, thanks for letting me share in the vent :). All that's to say,
if it's possible to state it's a done deal "This is the dress", then
you may be better off. If it still seems open to suggestion, your
sister will think she has room to demand her own choices.

And that she will. Don't we all feel better now after ranting?
What's with all this bridezilla stuff I keep hearing about? Maybe it should
be "the Matron of Monster" or "Smother of the Bride".....

lol! Yes, it's "sister-zilla" ;-)
Good luck! And thanks for letting me share in your vent :)

Hi everyone i'm lucky i don't have any sisters to worry about being
flower girls or bridesmaids. I'm getting married next July on a
Friday and my best mate Debbie Anderson is going to be my matron of
honour and my fiances niece is going to be a bridesmaid. I've told my
friend i'm not wanting a wild night for my hen night and she has said
she won't do anything wild. We're getting married in the registry
office in Alloa but my parents don't agree they think i should have a
church wedding, but we can't afford a big church wedding and reception
as we're paying for everything.
All i can say is good luck and thanks for letting me share in your
vent.

Cheers

Susie